The inside-story of a social issue that is now more dramatic than ever. How are women responding to this emergency in the Italian capital?
Giulia has been lying in a hospital bed for 14 days. She feels trapped in that small, uncomfortable bed, in that smelly noisy room; trapped by the constant complaining of the other three patients lying next to her; trapped under a grey and mouldy ceiling.
The persistent, disturbing noise of coughing and the tireless beeps of the heart monitors makes it almost impossible to sleep. There is a sickening smell of bleach and disinfectant, making it hard to eat or even drink.
There are no flowers, cards or home-brought food next to the patients' beds; the empty chairs are piled in the corner of the room. The nurses and doctors with their tick masks and protective suits look just like robots. The window faces onto the other wings of the building, with a grey peeling wall.
The curtains are closed, but everyone knows what's in there: it's the intensive care room, where thousands of people are slowing passing away. Covid-19 is here.
Giulia knows that room very well and looking at that grey curtain makes her remember a time of her life she wishes she could forget, forever. In her hospital bed, she feels like she's slowly dying, but it's not her severe pneumonia that is taking her breath away. Giulia has been living in hell for years, way before this pandemic started. In a whisper, she describes coronavirus and its painful symptoms she's experiencing as just as a minor inconvenience, stopping her from her every-day battle: getting her son back.
Giulia, who's real name cannot be revealed to protect her identity, is one of the thousands of women who are victims of violence from their partners and male relatives. She left her native country and moved to Italy back in the 90s to marry a man who revealed himself to be a monster. She stood the abuses and kept living with that monster for years to protect her child, but when she went to the hospital at death's door, she couldn't hide it anymore. Her husband wasn't convicted for lack of evidence; he only received a restriction from his family home, his wife and son.
Giulia quickly learned that she couldn't rely on those who were supposed to help her and keep her ex-husband away. In January, her 15 year-old son was taken away from her by social workers after he smashed a glass bottle on his mother's face, imitating his father's behaviour. She's been trying to see him since then, but the only thing she has achieved is a call a week with him. She later found out that her ex-husband was spending a day a week with his son, illegally, and the social workers were turning a blind eye.
Since the lockdown began, she's been trying to contact the social workers incessantly. They never answered her calls and nor did her son. She was too busy trying to reach her loved one that she didn't even realise been infected with Covid-19 until she was gasping for air.
"They took everything away from me: my son, my happiness, my ability to trust people and now my health. I'm not talking the man who abused me; I'm talking about those who were supposed to help me. They abused me more than he did."
Giulia is not the only woman who lost trust in the system. "They keep establishing new services, shelters, allocating money in actions against violence, but we all know it's just words," explains Martina, founder and director of the Movement Against All Kind Of Violence Against Women. They are a group of volunteer psychologists, lawyers and sociologists who help women who are victims of abuses, not only physically.
"One of the main ways a woman is abused is through money. Many women do not have a source of income, and they are, therefore, forced to live with their violent partner." Martina felt she had to do something for those women who are enslaved by their partners, just as she used to be, "they can't afford to see a psychologist or a lawyer. Bureaucracy is slow enough for a woman to get killed before someone lifts a finger to help her."
They have decided to become an organisation because of the coronavirus emergency, so that they could establish a phone line, a website and social media profiles to allow women to contact them more easily."Social media are key,” she explains, "for most women in that situation, getting out of the house is almost impossible, even in normal times. With the lockdown, the only way to communicate is on Facebook or Whatsapp. Social Media allow women to feel included, part of a group. Sharing their experiences is vital for them. They need to feel like they have a voice; they need to find the strength to react, somehow.”
But how?
What Can Women Do? Women who are victims of violence or have been threatened by their partner, or whoever is aware of acts of violence, can either call or chat the 1522, a new phone line that can be used to report domestic abuse, or use the Police's app Youpol, through which it is possible to report abuse anonymously.
Another option is to talk to a pharmacist. FOFI (federation of all Italian pharmacists), declared that every pharmacist in the country has been trained and will be able to help women who are victim of domestic violence. It is now possible for women to report abuse to a pharmacist by saying the code word "Mascherina-1522" (face mask - 1522). This system has been introduced following the successful experiment delivered in Spain, where women could use the code word "mascarilla 19" to ask for help.
"The Coronavirus-crisis risks to exacerbate other pre-existing problems such as violence against women," said a spokesman for FOFI (federation of all Italian pharmacists), "we cannot afford to add more sufferance to the sufferance we are all living, this must be avoided."
The leaflet that the Department for Equal Opportunity has been handing out, which can be found online and in pharmacies and supermarkets, lists some guidelines for women who are victims of violence. First rule: do not reveal to the partner the intention to report the abuse to ask for help. It also is vital to stay away from the kitchen during discussions with the partner so that he cannot have access to knives or sharp objects.
Women are always advised to keep a bag with essential belongings ready. In the case of get-away with children, it will be necessary to call the Police to avoid a kidnapping charge. For the victims of stalking the leaflets recommend keeping messages and emails as evidence, change the routine to confuse the stalker, frequently change accounts' passwords and to inform as many people as possible of the stalking, to have a network.
In any case, 1522 can be contacted at any time. The lockdown doesn't mean you're forced to stay at home with a violent partner, essential journeys are always allowed.
In Italy, more than 6 million women experienced physic violence from a man through their life. Rapes or sexual abuses are in 66,2% of cases carried out by members of the family or family friends. Every 2,4 days, in Italy, a man kills a woman. Every 7 minutes a man rapes or attempts to rape a woman.
The response from Government
The Italian government offers a support network which relies on public and private organisations, social workers, shelter and phycological and legal support for women who are victims of abuse. Minister for equal opportunities Elena Bonetti, in response to the emergency related to Covid-19, has agreed to finance organisations and projects of support with 30 million euros. Two thirds of them will be invested to improve shelters and anti-violence support centres while on third will be allocated to the development of new schemes against domestic abuses.
A spokesman for Elena Bonetti claimed: "With this new act, we ensure shelters and anti-violence centres have all the resources they need. There is an entire country who wants to get rid of gender-based violence and wants to help them.
"The figures we are seeing, tell us that gender-based violence, which is very easy to hide, is now emerging more than ever," he continued, "from the beginning of the pandemic we were very concerned about the risks of the lockdown for many women.
The media now play a key role in informing vulnerable women and their children about the several services that the State offers to protect them."
Founded in 1988, Telefono Rosa is the this is the most prominent no-profit organisation which battles against the domestic abuse, stalking and all kinds of gender-based violence. During the Coronavirus crisis, the service has been improved and extended by establishing the new support telephone line 1522, open 24/7, with the possibility to chat online with an operator. 1522 is an extension of Telefono Rosa and it is managed from it but, unlike the former, it is always available. The service is available in four languages: English, French, Arabic and Spanish.
During the months of lockdown Telefono Rosa, experienced a drastic rise in help requests. In March they received 716 calls, up by 46 on the previous year and from the 1st to 18th April, they received 1037 while in the same period of the past year it received 397.
Also, the app which allows chatting with an operator, dealt with 253 cases in the first 18 days of April 2020.
"This situation is highly explosive; there is so much violence. The situation got worse with the lockdown; couples are forced together 24 hours a day. Economic problems are often the reason; the woman is often the man's outlet," said the president of Telefono Rosa in a press conference, commenting on the latest case femicide in Milan, a 47 year-old woman shot dead with a rifle by the partner while asleep.
"In such an emergency moment for our society, unfortunately, it is the weak part of the population to suffer the most." Doesn't it sound controversial that Maria Gabriella
Carnieri Moscatelli, president of the biggest organisation in Italy, defines women as "the weak part of the population"?
Women who're victims of violence are too often consider inferior human beings who need to be helped and protected. Barbara, who just became member of the Movement Against All Kind Of Violence On Women, feels people have a wrong idea of women in this situation.
“People grieve for us; they feel sorry. It's all wrong, they should feel angry, if not guilty," she says in a broken voice, recalling how she felt when she decided to report her ex-boyfriend.
"This mentality shifts people's conception of the problem. Abused women are not so because they are weak. They stand this terrible situation because they have someone to protect or because they are threatened with death by their partners. This mentality is killing women as much as their actual killers."
What can men do?
Eleven women have died since the pandemic started, but none of them was killed by Covid-19. Larisa, Barbara, Bruna, Rossella, Lorena, Gina, Viviana, Maria Angela, Alessandra, Marisa and Susy died in their own homes, murdered by their male family members.
"Men should stop and think before reacting in any way, both physically and verbally, and remember that if they feel the need to attack their partner, then what they have is
not love but possession. Violence comes almost always from this feeling of possession," explains Pasquale De Falco, founder and director of Paesaggi Liberi, an association which aims to educate or re-educate men and young boys to a life without violence.
"Of course, it is not that easy. Too often, what goes through their minds is just 'you are mine, and you must do what I say if you don't want to be beaten up'. Men with a violent attitude towards their partners need a psychological and therapeutical program to change: "I believe this comes from a patriarchal mentality which is still deep-rooted in Italy. We need to educate teenagers to the sex-equality if we want a better future. This must be done by improving the quality the education and the information we receive."
Domestic violence and the media
This story is not about Covid-19; it has nothing to do with the pandemic; this is a story which has been the news, from time to time, for years. This issue comes back in the news only when a woman is murdered. Do we need to reach those unacceptable figures to noticed that there is a problem?
"A crisis doesn't stop just because another one starts. We can't allow people to believe that all the other problems are over. People seem to believe that wars will stop for a while, homelessness will stop existing and men will stop beating up their wives and children, just because there is a pandemic."
Giulia had to text this to me because she struggled too much speaking over the phone. "The media only talk about us when we get murdered. I never heard anyone on TV complaining about the poor support we receive.
"In this is country, the patriarchal mentality is still too diffused, both for men and women. The macho tradition influences even those who proclaim themselves as feminists, even those who are supposed to help us.”
What should be done better?
Despite the activity of those organisations both Governmental and private, many women still feel unprotected and alone.
"People learn from the news that a new association is born, that now we can call the 1522 or use the code word. It used to be another number and another word, but what difference does it make? I've been there too many times. The other people think it's easy; we can just call those numbers, say something to the pharmacist and everything will be alright. And the media keep feeding this mentality. It is not that easy. The government needs to understand that changing the telephone number it's not enough. We'd better make do, they won't protect us", said Barbara, who left Italy 15 years ago to escape her violent former boyfriend and never went back.
Giulia, in tears, confesses she wished no one ever found out about her situation. "I haven't received help from anyone," she says, thinking back of all the support groups she joined and all the phycologists she saw, "even my lawyer told me not to report the social workers who are keeping my son away from me. She's too frightened of going against them; she knows it's too risky. I have no family, no friends, no legal assistance. Who in the world can I trust?"
In 2019 another woman, Maria Assunta Pace, reported similar abuse from the social workers and the court who dealt with her divorce trial. After years of violations, she reported her ex-husband. The judge found her incapable of looking after her son due to the phycological stress she had as a result of the domestic violence. Her son is now in a foster home and she can only see him once a week. She declared she wished she never reported her ex-husband.
We can't afford to have an unreliable support network to help women, unreliable social workers to look after their children and an unreliable legal system to punish violent men. Women need a country who is ready to support them, or they will never come forward.
Who can protect them from who's supposed to do so?
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